There are 4 distinct styles of response at the good news of someone else (partner, friend, kid, spouse, etc.):
- Active Constructive
- Passive Constructive
- Active Destructive
- Passive Destructive
Example: The husband/wife returns home at the afternoon:
- Honey! I got the promotion!!
Spouse: (Select one of the following to find your current response style!)
| Active | Passive | |
| Constructive | · Excitement · Eye contact · Authentic smile · Joy
Well done baby! Amazing news, I knew you will do it! How do you feel now?(looks into her/his eyes)
Wait for me to open a nice bottle of wine to celebrate this! | · Low energy · Delayed response · Quiet
Ah ok… [pause of several seconds] That’s very good for you.
(Gazing at his/her shoes)
|
| Destructive | · Quashing the event · Dismissive · Demeaning
And now we are going to see you even less? Are you sure you can manage with more obligations?
| · Avoiding · Ignoring · Turns focus inwards
Well, we have so many problems and you only care about yourself… |